37: Drop the Mom-Guilt and Do the Damn Thing – Meant to Bloom
Last month I had an incredibly transformative weekend of personal and business growth. I met a room full of amazing Powerhouse Women, I mapped out a brand new course I’m creating for you with my business mentor, and I had so many realizations that I’m very excited to share with you.
Today’s episode was inspired by a conversation with Kacia Ghetmiri of EmpowerHER podcast. When she asked me to my face if I’m coming to her live event in October I had to explain the mom guilt I had to overcome to even come on that trip.
Guilt is garbage. Fear is a liar. Imposter Syndrome is a coping mechanism meant to keep you safe and small. You’re meant for more than you’re allowing yourself to receive. Ditch the mom-guilt and do the damn thing (as Kacia says so often).
Links
Partial Transcript from the episode:
I learned so many amazing things on my weekend in Phoenix. I had a business break through session with Allie Casazza, met the beautiful Lindsey Swchartz of Powerhouse Women and had a great conversation with Kacia Ghetmiri of EmpowerHER (that’s what inspired today’s episode).
As I was planning my trip to meet with Allie (Declutter Like a Mother), I was feeling so much guilt. I was feeling guilty for leaving my kids with my mom for a night, I was feeling guilty for putting so much responsibility on my mom and husband who would take turns watching the kids. I was feeling guilty for anything I could find to feel guilty about and I had a moment of clarity where I realized how unfair that was.
I realized it was unfair to label my kids as a “handful,” as “troublemakers,” or as “complete chaos.” It was unfair for me to doubt the abilities of my mom and husband to care for my kids and show up in all the ways my kids would need them. It was unfair for me to try to spoil my own growth by tying myself to the fears of what could go wrong.
I had to give my kids the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they wouldn’t throw a fit and refuse to eat, maybe they wouldn’t regress on potty training because of emotional stress, maybe they wouldn’t cry themselves to sleep.
When my husband went out of town a few months back, my two year old cried for hours the first few nights because he’s daddy’s boy and only falls asleep with him. I was so afraid that my older two would behave that way because I’m the one who puts them to sleep. There were so many fears being fed in this decision.
Around the time I had the opportunity to apply for this business break through day in Phoenix, when I was still trying to talk myself out of going at all, my husband got invited to Las Vegas for a construction expo with his boss. It was in seeing how unashamed my husband was in asking if I’m okay with him going on that trip that shook me. He didn’t feel an ounce of guilt. This man has left for multiple work trips, hunting trips and now heading to Vegas for a week in the Spring and he felt zero guilt in leaving me behind. He trusts that I can hold my own. He trusts that it will all work out.
I didn’t want him to feel guilty, what bothered me so much was how I felt guilty. It bothered me that I had talked myself out of so many opportunities because of that damn mom-guilt.
This was the moment I said “That’s stupid. I’m not gonna feel that way anymore.” I decided right then that I wasn’t going to let my feelings stop me from pursuing the things that I wanted to do with my life. That guilt was a lie and I know that for a fact now.
What was going to be a one night trip turned into 3 when I heard about the Powerhouse Women event. The decision to go was so easy, I knew the feelings of guilt couldn’t be trusted.
All my fears were wasted energy. I went on that trip and everything turned out fine. My kids only fought ONE TIME the whole weekend. The one I was afraid would be peeing his pants the whole time, didn’t. And my very clingy 4 year old, the one that cried every time I said I’d be going away for the weekend, just 2 hours after I got home he was asking me when I’d be leaving again so he could have another boys weekend. My kids did fine without me.
Everyone did fine without me. My husband can hold down the fort. My kids feel safe enough that I can leave for a few days. Everyone had a great time. My fear was a liar.
Fear is a liar, don’t feed it.
If you’re feeling a pull to go do something for you, for your soul, for your body, for your business, DO IT! If there’s something you feel you need to do, please go do it. It’s not selfish to take time to care for yourself and you need to stop feeling bad about that.
You’re a good mom. You love your kids. You care for them. You are not selfish. You taking care of yourself is not selfish. This is necessary. This is good for you. This is good for your family. Drop the guilt and do that damn thing.
Brittni Clarkson 