What do you do when that spark in your marriage has fizzled? You light that candle yourself. Sometimes healing happens when we realize we’re the ones extinguishing the flames of our own happiness. You’re responsible for your own self, friend.
4: How to Love the Man You Married (without him having to change himself first) – Meant to Bloom: personal growth for hot mess moms
Often times we get into thought patterns that are not helpful. We notice that our husband isn’t going out of his way to romance us and we think that’s a sign he doesn’t love us, instead of trying to understand him. My husband spends most of his day at work, this means his mind is filled with work tasks and responsibilities all day – while I’m the one at home filling my mind with household tasks and parenting responsibilities. This means I have to give him some grace in household tasks and parenting responsibilities because he can’t spend as much time thinking about them and it takes more time for him to make a change or shift in these areas.
Focus on the good – what do you love about him? Fill up a journal page with all the reasons you love him and are grateful for him.
Go out of your way to love him first. Nothing’s going to change if nothing changes. He will follow you and show you more love when you show him more love. He will reciprocate. Pay attention to how he tries to show you love. Everyone speaks a different love language, have the discussions you might need to have to help him start to show you love in the way you hear it best – and you do the same for him.
If you need something from him, tell him. He’s not a mind reader and likely doesn’t have the mental capacity to put together the subtle puzzle you’re trying to set up for him. Save time, save stress, just tell him exactly what you need from him and why you need that.
Let him see your crazy. Let him know all those thoughts and feelings you have. This is how we grow in intimacy – through vulnerability.
“Intimacy is about truth, when you realize you can tell someone your truth, when you can show yourself to them, when you stand in front of them bare, and their response is ‘you’re safe with me’ – that’s intimacy.” – Taylor Jenkins Reed