Having trouble connecting with your young child? I got you, mama!
Scroll to the bottom of this post if you’d rather hear about this topic on the podcast.
Nurture the relationship with your kid through play
Children learn and communicate through play. As mothers, I think we innately know this; a child’s natural state is that of play. A quick Google search will tell you all you need to know regarding the science of the situation: play improves cognitive, physical, and emotional functions.
There’s a lot to be said about the positive effects that play have on adults as well. Just to name a few reasons to play: helps you to cope with stress, boosts physical health, improves upon desirable characteristics (according to an article published by PsychCentral).
I’ll be the first to admit, playing with your kid isn’t always fun, especially if they are the type to control the entire game play, telling you how to behave, what to say, etc. Teaching your kids the cardinal rules of improv may prove to be beneficial here. The rule of “yes, and” to be exact. Essentially no one is allowed to disagree with any other player. You agree, then add to it. “yes, and.”
The other option is to teach them a new game. Don’t try to join in with storyline they’ve been imaging and building their whole little lives. Build something entirely new. Bust out a board game they haven’t played before. Even just going for a walk together and having a competition to see who can spot the most interesting things along the way can be a simple way of “playing” together.
Plan regular family bonding activities
This sounds big, expensive, and intimidating, but I promise it’s so much more simple than we make it out to be. Family bonding can be a easy as serving dinner family style at the dinner table instead of everyone coming to the kitchen on their own to make their plates. Bonus tip: This is actually a great option if you have picky eaters in the house – it puts all the food in front of the picky eater so they don’t feel so scared of trying the ‘new’ things.
Another option is family walks after dinner. This is good for bonding, physical health, and mental wellbeing. Get those steps in for the whole family, have an open ended conversation about everyone’s day or the things you see in your neighborhood. In a world that spends thousands of hours a year staring at screens, fresh air is a must!
Lastly, my favorite family bonding activity we’ve started this year is Friday Night Family Movie Night. We always have a simple and fun dinner in the living room with a family movie. The dinners rotate between pizza, family style nachos, simple fondue spread, and a TGIF frozen appetizers mix.
Improve parent-child communication
Like any skill, this takes time and consistent efforts to build. Don’t judge your future relationship with your kid by one conversation that didn’t go as you wished it had. The tough part is, you can’t control anyone but yourself. You can’t force your kids to build this communication skill with you – but you can nurture and encourage.
A few ways to improve communication with your kids are reading together, being a good role model with your own communication skills, learning something new together, or asking open ended questions about things that interest them. Yes, this may require you to learn every detail about Minecraft. But I promise, it’s so worth it.
Give yourself and your kids so much grace in this journey. Communicating doesn’t come easy to everyone. It may come to the point where you realize you need help with this. I realized very early on in parenting my oldest boy that I am not a child psychologist and I needed some extra support getting him to talk to me.
Play therapy has been a wonderful experience for us. We also realized that what we thought was a simple case of ADHD early on turned out to be Autism. No wonder we had communication problems! Don’t be afraid to pull in a professional, whether it’s a one time meeting or 3+ years of therapy.
Keep your cool when things don’t go as planned
This may be the most important thing you do in parenting your kids. We may all disagree on best parenting styles, but I think we can all agree that our kids deserve kindness from us. This isn’t always easy in a world where our blueprint sets us up for constant dysregulation.
It’s easy to be on edge all the time, to lash out at those we love the most, to be irritable and angry when things don’t go the way we so carefully planned for them to do. I get it. I’ve been there. My kids have gotten a thousand apologies from me, and there will be more to come.
Take time for yourself. Pay attention to what your body needs. It’s almost impossible to be a good role model to our kids and to fully enjoy being their mom if we’re operating with an effed up nervous system and a crap mindset. It doesn’t take an elaborate self care regimen to undo the damage.
Start by becoming aware of the whispers (or screams) from your body. The ones telling you that you’re depleted of nutrients, dehydrated, exhausted, anxious. Sometimes it’s focusing on the basic human needs that will free up your precious energy to increase your capacity to remain calm with your kids.
Check out this free resource to help you Stress Less and start enjoying your motherhood.
Binge these Podcast Episodes for More!
112 | Reconnecting with your kids during a busy season – Meant to Bloom: personal growth for hot mess moms
104 | The secret to being less triggered by your kids being kids – Meant to Bloom: personal growth for hot mess moms
54: Raising Independent Kids and Allowing Them to Learn From Natural Consequences – Meant to Bloom: personal growth for hot mess moms
30: How to Keep Your Cool When Your Kids Are Annoying You. – Meant to Bloom: personal growth for hot mess moms
