73: Get ROOTED in Your Abundant WORTHINESS with Emily Louis

• Instagram
• YouTube
• Facebook
• LinkedIn
• WordPress
• Pinterest

There’s just too many different ways a woman today can be plagued by unworthiness.

I know especially as women, we are surrounded by a lot of comparisons.  In social media, advertisements, magazines, tv… And they just show you pictures of what other places look like, other homes look like, other people look and that comparison starts you thinking “I’m not that good.” 

And then there’s this productivity based worthiness. There’s this unworthiness that comes from feeling like we can’t achieve it all, we can’t complete our daily to-do lists, we can’t keep everyone happy, we can’t live up to all the heavy expectations that have been placed on us whether by ourselves, our environments, our families, or our religion. 

How do we begin this journey to breaking free from those chains of unworthiness? Today I have Emily Louis of Abundant Grace Podcast here to talk us through this one.

Find Emily Louis on Instagram here.

Subscribe to the Abundant Grace Podcast here.

Grab 5 tips to be more confident here.

Immerse Yourself in Your Own True Worthiness

Brittni: Hi, my friends. Welcome to Meant to Bloom. I’m your host, Brittni Clarkson, and I’m here today with a guest, Emily Louis from Abundant Grace, and I am so excited to introduce her to you guys. Emily, why don’t you tell us a little bit about yourself from you. 

Emily: Hey, Brittni, thank you so much for having me.

I’m thrilled to sit down and visit with you, yeah, a little bit about myself. I am an unlikely worthiness coach. I help women grow in their own self-confidence after trying to fit in or measure up so that they can confidently be themselves. I am a mama of four little girls and my oldest is six and my youngest just turned three.

We’re about to have the rest of our birthdays, but they’re four years apart and I get to coach and support women and podcast over on Abundant Grace, to help people be authentically themselves and as well as have an authentic relationship with God that doesn’t have to fit religion’s check boxes. 

B: Oh my gosh. I love your mission so much, and I love that we’re here today to talk about worthiness, that is something that I struggled with so much and I have such a hard time communicating about it, so I’m really glad to have you here today, so let’s talk about how to feel worthy. Do you have somewhere you wanna start with that?

E: Sure. I can start with my story. So I think it’s relatable. I spent the first 26 ish years of my life trying to fit into a religious community. I think it’s applicable for all kinds of things, maybe even your family. But I spent all that time trying to fit in and measure up, and I was trying to keep everybody happy, not realizing that’s what I was doing, but I was so desperate to belong and in order to belong, I felt like I had to be good enough.

And there is like all this pressure that comes with performing and being, and doing. All of the right things, right? So it left me exhausted, but I didn’t know that there could be other options because this was how I was good. And if I wasn’t good, then would I be accepted? Because I measured my worth and my value by how other people responded.

And then I experienced the pain and trauma of actually being shunned by that community. When I started asking questions and found I don’t have to do all these rules and things, and I wasn’t, I was no longer “good” in that context, and after that really solidified that God loves me unconditionally and he even likes me.

Like a lot of us I think don’t even believe that on a practical level. And then God brought me people in my life who valued me and saw my worth and my calling as valuable before I did, and that was so powerful for them to believe in. So that I could be confident in who I was and not try to fit in and not try to please people and live in exhaustion and resentment.

So when we’re talking about worthiness, it’s really important and powerful to go to “what is the story, what is the narrative that’s making you feel unworthy?” Because all of us have a slightly different story, all of us have a slightly different approach to why we feel less. But it all adds up to us trying to measure up and prove something that’s actually inherent.

And when we can tap into that, it shifts our approach in the world. It shifts our motivation. So instead of trying to work for love or work for approval or work for acceptance, we’re starting at a place of love, acceptance and approval. And it radically shifts how we show up in the world. 

B: Wow. That is powerful. I love that concept. The, like getting rooted in love and acceptance first and then stepping out. Cause so often I think we get that backwards and I guess that’s why it doesn’t work when you try to do it, when did you kind of wake up to realizing that you really felt like you were unworthy and that something needed to change there?

E: I think it was a message I listened to. The title of the talk was The Pressure’s Off and the examples and the talk was given by Carrie Schmidt and he talked about life when we approach, like a big test in school. We go in and we study and we work really hard. What would happen if we walked into class that day and somebody was like, “Hey, I took the test for you.”

Or you have another day to study. Like we feel that release on our shoulders, like the pressure’s off to like performing or get it right or be perfect. So that was one eye opening shift for me in like the journey of learning unconditional love that is available to me and then it began to contrast performance or unconditional, and that’s when things started to kind of unravel in a way.

B: Okay. I love that. I’m trying to soak in that answer before I move on a little bit.

How did you start growing? How did you start growing from that point? Once you realized those stories and all of that and you took that pressure off yourself, what were maybe some of the tools or exercises or things that you leaned into believing that helped you grow in your worthiness and realize who you are?

E: A lot of songs. A lot of books. A lot of like, just reframing. It felt like such a new concept. And I don’t know if there’s somebody listening where you’re like, oh, wait a second. I’ve heard that, but maybe you’re hearing it for the first time. You’re like, wait a second, this applies to me.

This applies to my situation. You can start, or places that I started, like with music,  and books that remind you of who you already are, because it’s so easy. Life and the world around us works in so, so opposite of that religion tells us we have to do in order to measure up our job, we have to work for a raise.

You have to work for your grades, right? So if you get yourself some affirmations, I know Brittni, you’re super passionate about affirmations too, but like, write out affirmations and post them, post them wherever you will see them and start just reading them over your day and over your life and our beliefs.

Our words can shift our beliefs. So that’s one way that you can start. Other things that I did was like, started questioning everything that was around that religion or that performing and started asking those questions and getting the reassurance that God wasn’t going anywhere that I was asking those questions.

And that was, that part was so affirming and comforting that I could. The journey of asking and discovering and being grounded in who I was.

B: Oh my goodness, I love this. Do you have a particular like affirmation or song or something that comes to mind that is like, this was so the one that was helpful for me.

E: Oh man, You Say by Lauren Daigle. Who You Say I am by Hillsong, like those were some of the first ones that were mind blowing, like, wait a second, I am already. Those are two songs that come to mind.

B: So pretty much immersion into the concept of worthiness is really the remedy of counteracting what your outside world is telling you all the time, I know especially as women, we just hear that it’s a lot of comparison. And they tell you like, you know, there’s so much, what is productivity based worthiness. 

And then just showing you pictures of what other places look like, other homes look like other people look and that comparison starts you thinking like, well, I’m not that good. So how do we, other than just immersion into “I’m worthy,” you know, this is the truth about me.

How do we work on building our confidence out of that, while surrounded by that comparison? 

E: So I think I started referencing it at the beginning of the episode and I got sidetracked. But it starts by addressing, you have to address WHY you feel unworthy. Like what are the stories that you’ve been told?

Like is it productivity? Is it keeping your house clean? Is it homeschooling your kids? Is it whatever thing in your life that you’re feeling less than around? Maybe, maybe it’s every area. Maybe you feel less than as a sister, as a friend, like do you? Usually it’s because we think we should be doing more.

So what is it that you’re not doing that you feel like you need to measure up and really getting down to some of those messages that you’ve been told maybe from society because it’s the way the world works. Or maybe it was a teacher that said something to you or a friend that made an offhand comment one time that you internalized.

Maybe it was a religious system or a family system, but those beliefs came from somewhere. So you can do this work with a coach. You can do this work with a therapist. You can do this work through journaling, but you can get down to the root of why you feel like you are less than. Like what is it that you are not doing?

Like you mentioned, comparison. Comparison always happens when we’re feeling less than because we have to have something to measure up to. We have an ideal in our mind whether we recognize it or not, but what are we trying to measure up to and why? Like where do those messages come from? Because when we identify them, then we can create even more powerful affirmations.

Like speaking directly to what is making us feel small or like we wanna hide.

B: I love that: breaking free from that productivity based worthiness. Because you mentioned looking at the things that you feel like you have to do. How do we let go of that? Do you have any tricks for looking at your major to-do list and being like, these are all the things I feel like I have to do.

I’m just telling myself I can’t do it. You know, my worth isn’t based on this list. Doesn’t exactly unravel that really deeply. So do you have any tricks or just a kind of hack or belief or affirmation that reminds you that you don’t need to do those things or convinces you that you don’t have to get that.

E: Yeah. There’s so much of our life that we live with almost, I like to describe it as like a frantic energy where, when you wake up and you already feel behind for the day that. Where we come to our days already feeling behind, already feeling not enough.

And one of the things that we do is a really good practice. If you really want to be grounded in your worth, that isn’t your productivity. You might need to let go of some of the good things that you have and this is hard because we’re like, but these are all important things, or these are all necessary and these are all good things, but it can help you reset really well if you’re like, I’m gonna let go of this practice that maybe it’s a spiritual practice, maybe it’s a habit that’s keeping you stuck or like that you are doing something and maybe you need to delegate it.

Letting go of some of the things that you’re doing is a super practical, not always easy way, but it’s a super practical way to be like, okay, my worth isn’t in my productivity, another thing that you can do if you, even if you’re not necessarily Christian or religious, I highly recommend some kind of Sabbath in your life, in your week, whether it’s like six hours without your phone or it’s a full 24 hours of whatever’s restful to you or worshipful or however you fill that cup.

But there’s a reason that that was implemented into the way the world works best and its rest. And one of the really inconvenient things about schedules is when it comes, when you haven’t already accomplished everything, you haven’t knocked everything out on your to-do list, and you’re like, yes, I finally deserve rest.

No, you’re gonna have to rest before you feel like you deserve it. And that’s beautiful because rest is a gift and it’s not something that you have to earn. So, Let me know if you want more practical ideas, but those are two that I would like to literally do less or really tap into rest and setting time aside every week that’s scheduled.

B: Do you have any last thing to mention about the worthiness, the confidence? Any last tips for my listeners? 

E: I would say surround yourself with people who believe in you. I think this is a piece that gets forgotten, especially as we’re recovering from pleasing people.

We’re trying to find it within ourselves, and there’s so much power in aligning with who you already are and deeply believing that. But while you’re on your journey, don’t forget to bring somebody else along with you who believes in you. Maybe it’s a partner, a spouse, a friend, a counselor, a therapist, a coach.

Find somebody who believes in you and isn’t afraid to call you out, who you can trust, who you can grow with so that you don’t forget cuz it’s so easy to forget.

B: Absolutely. We definitely, it’s so easy to isolate yourself too, especially when you’re feeling unworthy. And we’re called for community and fellowship and being with like-minded people that you mentioned.

So Emily, where do you want my listeners to come and find you? 

E: Yeah, I would love it if you guys come listen to Abundant Grace, my podcast, that would be fabulous. I’d love to get to know you. Also, I’ll have a link to my podcast and socials as well as a video that I recorded for you with five tips to help you be more confident and not afraid of being seen. 

Let me help you make the mundane easier, so you have more time and energy for what you really love! Start by grabbing the Mindset Makeover here: