It’s a busy season and it’s really easy to forget about yourself. I know, I forgot about myself too. We had a month of sickness in our house and I missed out on a lot of nights of good sleep, then I depended on coffee for energy and screwed with my digestion and my hormones and my adrenals and all that stuff. This sleep deprivation and lack of nutrition and hydration led me into an emotional exhaustion and now, here I sit, exhausted in so many ways.
I’m taking my joy back, I’m taking care of myself and I’m prioritizing my health and happiness. I’m setting my intention right now to rest, and to seek peace and joy through this holiday season, but that’s going to mean stepping back and taking care of my basic needs first.
When You’re Feeling in a Funk, Take Care of Your Needs.
Transcribed with Descripted: Listen to the audio here.
Hey, my friend. Thanks for joining here again today. I am just gonna be totally, perfectly honest with you today is I’ve been, I’ve been in a bit of a funk the last few days. I keep like pretending like I’m working, but I’m really just like scrolling social media and doing busy work that doesn’t need to get done.
And. I just, I know and I know I’m doing it. It’s not like I get lost in it for hours and then realize, oh crap, I got distracted and wasn’t working. It’s that I want to, I want to pour into this podcast and this community more, but I’m feeling in a funk emotionally and like personally, and it’s like bleeding into all the other areas of my life.
And like, I’m just not feeling like showing up and doing anything right now. I’m not feeling like cooking dinner. I’m not feeling like doing anything fun. And it’s been going on for a few days. And my husband, he asked me, you know, he’s like, well, are you depressed? And I didn’t wanna say yes because I don’t wanna own that.
I don’t wanna say, I don’t wanna, you know, affirm. That I am depressed because I do have this long history with mental illness. And before, when I’d get in a funk, I would allow myself to spiral. Okay? That past version of myself that was constantly depressed and miserable, anytime I’d get in a little funk like this, I would think there must be something wrong with me there.
You know, I must be just worthless. I must be garbage. I must not be enough. I’m not good enough to fulfill all the roles I’ve found myself in. I’m not, you know, a good enough wife or a good enough mom, or, you know, I’m not worthy of life, and I would just. Spiral into this deep, deep pit and like that was a constant sort of a thing that would just continue to happen.
You know, I’d spiral into the pit and then I’d come out of the depressive episode because they really only last so long. I usually would get them for a couple weeks and then they’d be gone and then I’d climb out of the pit in time for another episode to come down, you know? . But I have noticed since I started the real mental health journey of actual true, deep healing, not just recovering and coping with depression, but actually healing the inner pieces of me that just weren’t functioning properly.
I’m not gonna say that we’re broken, you know, there was, there was habits and there was thoughts that were not helpful and those are the parts I’ve been healing. And so I wanna be totally honest with you, like I haven’t felt like showing up and really teaching and really sharing things lately in the last few days.
So I haven’t been recording the things that I had planned on recording, cuz I’m just not feeling it. Absolutely. And I wanted to share that piece with you. Because there’s always something to learn, right? And I wanted to share with you. that I am giving myself grace. In this season, we are going into like, we’re in the busy season of the year as far as, you know, being a mom goes, we have a handful of busy seasons.
There’s September when school starts, there’s Christmas and there’s, you know, may when we’re getting ready to wrap up school and nobody wants to focus anymore. So we’re in one of the busiest seasons of motherhood, homemaking and all that life, and I am just not feeling it very much, and that’s okay.
It’s okay to step back and to not fulfill all of the busyness that you had planned, it’s okay to take care of yourself and it’s okay if you don’t know how you need to be taken care of. It took me a couple of days cause I’ve been in this funk for probably like a week. Like I got my period and the hormones came in and it spiraled me into a little bit of a funk.
So that’s kind of where that started from, but I have allowed myself to go slow without feeling guilt over it. That is one of the most important things you can learn to do, is to go slow and give yourself grace. Because if you’re gonna sit and say that you’re resting, but you’re actually silently stressing the whole time, you’re not really resting.
That is just wasting time. If you’re sitting and stressing out. , you might as well be up stress cleaning or you know, getting something done while you’re stressing, multitask that stress cuz you cannot multitask stress and rest. Those cannot coexist together. It’s not rest, it’s just, you know, maybe putting your feet up.
You might be resting your feet, but it’s not true soul rest that you’re requiring. So that’s my tip to you right there. Don’t try to rest when you are stressed, that is, yeah, you can de-stress by resting intentionally. Do things to lower your stress levels. That can be super helpful. Do things like going outside barefoot.
I know it’s wintertime, but still a little bit of time on the dirt. Can be super helpful. Gosh, mud, just go put your toes in some mud, be a child. There’s so much childlike joy that can come from that. Take your kids with you and go just play in the mud for a little bit, and then come in, do a bath and hot cocoa.
That is an incredible sort of self-care and like a family bonding experience too. I’m all for multitasking, something like that where it’s not really drawing, you know, like they say, don’t multitask lately, but. What they mean is don’t try to do two mental things at a time when something requires all of your focus.
But when you can multitask two things that can just go together, like you can do your self-care while spending time with your kids. Those aren’t two separate things that are pulling at you to make you distracted. You know, you get what I’m saying there, those two things can coexist together.
Therefore, it’s not really multitasking, it’s just, I don’t know. I don’t know a word for it. I’m not even gonna try to find the word for it. I’ve been giving myself all the grace in this season, letting myself go super slow, like archery and I even decorated yet. It’s fine. So what it’ll get there.
I’m not ruining anyone’s Christmas by not having my tree decorated. Cory, the tree is up and the box of decorations is in the living room. That’s as close as we’ve gotten so far, and it’s fine. I have, I’ve bought one Christmas present and it’s for my dad and it’s a farmer’s almanac because I buy ’em that every single year.
And I saw they were getting low at the grocery store, so I bought one, and that is the only Christmas shopping I’ve done so far. All right. And I’m sitting here recording this December 7th, like we are, what, 17 days away from Christmas? Something like that. 16, 18. I don’t know math, but it’s fine. I’ll get it done.
I’ll do like a big Amazon order and ta-da done. Okay, I’ll plan one night for wrapping, all the presents and boom, done. Beautiful. I don’t have to stress about it. It’s gonna get done. It’s fine, and sometimes that’s what you just have to remind yourself is: the things that need to be done will get done.
And you know what? If they don’t, what would happen? If I am buying Christmas presents this year? What would happen? I almost wanna find out just what would happen if I didn’t do any presents anyways. In giving myself this grace to slow down and giving myself time, I’ve been able to become mindful of my situation and how I’m in a funk and realizing.
Kind of backtracking and figuring out like, why is this happening? like what is this? What is, what was the catalyst? What caused this to start? Why am I just feeling so out of it and distant and like blah? I feel tired. And that’s when I realized I feel tired because I am tired. We’ve been sick in our house for like a month.
Somebody has been sick for a month. mostly the kids a little bit. Me, a little bit. My husband. My husband missed work cuz he was sick. So I mean, it was for real. He had a fever and everything.
and I realized I haven’t really, like, been resting during the day, but I haven’t really gotten very many good nights of sleep for the last month. It’s been rough. And I was like, whoa, that’s. It’s what it is. I’m not getting enough sleep. I’m sleep deprived, I’m tired. I’m not in some emotional distress.
I’m not mentally ill right now. I’m sleep deprived and it’s screwing with me mentally and emotionally. Yeah, because sleep decoration can do that. Sleep’s pretty darn important, and I find it interesting because I just did an episode a little while back that I feel like I recorded right before everybody in my house got there.
or right as we were getting sick the first time, maybe about your basic self-care needs that your basic needs to eat, hydrate, and eat nutritious foods. I find it really interesting that I released that podcast episode all about how important those things are, and now I’m realizing we got sick. I have been sleep deprived.
I’ve been in a little bit of a funk being sleep deprived, it means I’m drinking more coffee, which means I’m not drinking enough water because if I’m drinking coffee all day, I have to be super intentional. Intentional about drinking more water more often to counteract all the coffee. And then also because I’m drinking coffee, my appetite is down because if I taste coffee in my mouth, I don’t want food.
Coffee means morning, and morning means I’m not hungry. So I’m psychologically screwing with my own brain here, and it’s screwing with my whole body because I’m not getting enough sleep, so I’m not drinking enough water because I’m drinking more coffee. So I’m not eating enough nutrient dense foods to sustain me physically because of the coffee and it’s just screwing with me all over the place.
And so , we might need to be looking at that during this busy season. Are you getting enough sleep when everybody’s sick? Are you getting enough sleep? And then what’s happening? If you’re not getting enough sleep? What kind of domino effect is that something, you know, if you’re not getting enough of something, it can create a domino effect and start messing with all these other areas of your life that you weren’t expecting it to.
And then you’re sitting there like, I just feel so off and I feel. Everything is meaningless and you start to like to go into a psychological spiral and it’s just because you haven’t gotten enough sleep. Just because you’re drinking too much coffee, it’s because you’re not taking time to eat. You’re getting distracted and busy and not eating enough food.
It’s amazing how these physical nudes support our emotional needs, our psychological needs, our, you know, every kind of need, our spiritual needs, even like, So, yeah, let’s take a look at Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy and needs a little bit there. We’re gonna look at the very bottom of this. It’s a pyramid.
If you’re unfamiliar, it is an up pyramid that is in, separated into five different horizontal levels. You know, so your basic bottom of the pyramid, the biggest section, the foundation. Because if you’re building a pyramid, you gotta start the bottom right. Your foundation is your physiological needs. This is air, water, food, shelter, sleep, clothing, reproduction.
All of the physical needs of the body are at the bottom. And if you’re not fulfilling those needs, you can’t move up to fulfilling the other needs in your life. The other desires. So physiological needs, if those aren’t being met, they’re the easiest ones to, to meet. And they’re also the easiest ones to just totally forget about.
I mean, air, it happens, that’s on its own. And that’s really awesome that we don’t have to think about breathing. Cause I think a lot of us would die if we had to consciously remember to breathe, water, food, shelter, sleep, clothing, reproduction. All right. And once all of those needs are, you can move up to safety needs.
The next level is gonna be the needs of feeling safe, personal security, employment, resources, health, property, um, all the things that make you feel secure where you are, you know? And then the next level would be love and belonging. All right. So you have to meet physiological needs and safety needs before your love and belonging needs will be met.
Friendship, intimacy, family, sense of connection, I think that’s even self-love right there.
And then after physiological, then safety, then love and belonging are met. We can move into esteem, which is respect, self-esteem, status recognition, strength, freedom. Okay. From there, the top of the pyramid is self-actualization, which is the desire to become the most that one can be. And I think a lot of us, especially if you’re listening to my podcast, like self-actualization, that is, that is a lot that, that’s a goal here, right?
The self-love, self-acceptance, becoming the best self you possibly can. Self actualizations being your best self, being your highest self, being the most you can be, meeting your full potential. That’s all top of the pyramid stuff. And if you haven’t met the four levels underneath it, that is always going to be out of reach.
So if you’re going to strive for self-actualization, if you really wanna be your best self, you cannot, the foundational pieces here. So sometimes we have to backtrack. We have to go back to the foundation and refill those gaps. All right, those physiological needs. First, air, water, food, shelter, sleep, clothing, reproduction, and then into safety needs, personal security, employment, resources, health.
The next needs, love and belonging, friendship, intimacy, family, sense of connection, which that one right there. If you don’t, if you don’t have community, if you don’t have connection with other people, you’re not gonna reach that self-actualization, that best self. And you know what? Love and belonging, it’s on the pyramid beneath steam, self-esteem, recognition, strength, freedom, status, self.
Self-love, self-acceptance. You’re not gonna get that if you don’t have community and connection first. That’s what this pyramid is telling us. Okay, so bottom physiological needs next, safety needs, next. Love and belonging needs next to your esteem. Leaves needs, esteem, needs. And then at the top is your self-actualization becoming your best self.
We’ve got work to do. What level are you at? Right? I want you to think where are the gaps in your pyramid? Maybe even try that, drawing out a pyramid. You can Google the hierarchy of need; hierarchy of needs or Abraham Maslow. It will come up, just go on over to Google Images and it will show you a pyramid.
There’s probably like a hundred different variations of this pyramid you could find, but I’ll link the one I’m referencing in the show notes for you. But maybe draw out on a piece of paper the hierarchy of needs. Draw yourself a big triangle and determine where your gaps are, and then start at the bottom to fulfill those gaps.
All right? I love you, friend. Be taking care of yourself. Give yourself grace. Give yourself rest. You don’t need to be your best self today. You don’t need to be your best self tomorrow, but be mindful of filling in the gaps from the bottom up. That’s my note for you today. And just cuz you’re in a funk doesn’t mean anything about you.
Being in a funk does not mean that you are mentally ill. It doesn’t mean that you’re not okay. It doesn’t mean that you’re worthless. Doesn’t mean that you’re failing, doesn’t mean you’re garbage. It doesn’t mean you’re unworthy. Being in a funk just means you’re in a funk and you can get out of it. Just start at the bottom to work your way up, and it’s okay to be at the bottom.
It’s totally fine. We all fall down. Sometimes what matters is that you get yourself back up and let’s do it right. Stop trying to skip. We can’t self-actualize if we do not meet our physiological needs. Sleep, water, nutrition, all that jazz. And I’m right there with you right now on the road to self-actualization on the road to becoming my best self.
And I’m still sleep deprived. I am going to try to arrange to take a nap today, so I’m gonna challenge you, what’s one thing you can do today to fill in your most bottom gap? All right. I love you, friend. Until next time.
Hi, I’m Brittni, a mom who’s determined to share my light, wisdom, and joyfulness with every mom. My desire is that every woman knows she is worthy of ease and joy and finds the encouragement and motivation to pursue her best life possible.
I live in rural Oregon with my husband and 3 sons. I never dreamed of being a boy-mom, but now I can’t imagine life not surrounded by toy dinosaurs, race cars, and fart noises.