You ever tell someone you loved them and knew they really didn’t believe it?
Ever have someone tell you they love you and YOU didn’t believe it?
I’ve been thinking about why this happens, this misalignment of affections. How can two people say they love each other and neither feel it’s true?
It’s because love isn’t words. Love is actions.
And those actions needed to feel loved are different for everyone.
Gary Chapman wrote a book called The 5 Love Languages and made the case that this occurs because we are speaking different languages.
For people who require acts of service to feel loved, telling them they are beautiful isn’t going do it for them.
For people who require touch to feel loved, packing their lunch box with sweet notes isn’t going to do it for them.
For people who require quality time to feel loved, bringing them fresh flowers isn’t going to do it for them.
For people who require words of affirmation to feel loved, a back massage isn’t going to do it for them.
For people who require gifts to feel loved, doing their least favorite chore for them isn’t going to do it for them.
We can put so much time and energy into trying to tell someone how much we love them, but if we’re not speaking the right language then it’s not going to have the impact you’re looking for.
If you feel like you’re trying so hard to prove your love to someone, pause. Figure out HOW they need to be told, speak the right language, and let love be easy.
More information and a free questionnaire on this topic can be found at 5lovelanguages.com I highly recommend this resource to anyone who loves someone (even if it’s yourself!)