25: What to do When Someone You Look up to Isn’t Living the Way You Want Them to

Listen to the podcast on Apple or Spotify

How we handle the mistakes of others says a lot about our character and personal development. I recently found out some news that someone I love and look up to had made some bad decisions and had a lot of people upset with her. This news was shaking me to my core in the beginning – but it’s turned into a great opportunity of growth and compassion for me.

We can’t control other people. We can only control ourselves.

One thing that I’ve come to realize is that everybody makes mistakes – nobody’s perfect. Pretty sure Hannah Montana taught me that. The best people you know have probably made some incredibly terrible mistakes in their lives. Either you’re not aware of it or you’re blind to it.

What we have to do is get into a healthy mindset about it. We have to stop ignoring it, we have to stop down playing it, and we have to stop blowing it out of proportion. We’ve got to learn to accept what is as what is and release the need to control other people.

We’re all equals here. We’re all capable of the same things. We all make mistakes. We are human. We’ve got to start giving grace to all – not just some. You’re only free when you forgive others and yourself for the past. When you release the anxieties and fears of the future. This moment right now is the only place you will find freedom. You can only be happy right now and you won’t be happy if you’re holding on to other peoples’ mistakes.

What do we do when someone we love makes a mistake?

For one thing, put yourself in their shoes. Not right now, back track it. Put yourself in their shoes when they began down the path that lead them to this atrocity you’ve witnessed. It may have been days, weeks, or years ago that they got off course. Imagine all the things that had to happen in their life to get to this point.

We can’t be so righteous to say “I would never…” Because given all the wrong circumstances, you totally could. Other people’s mistakes are honestly none of your business. People are allowed to screw up. People are allowed to take time to grow. People are allowed to change – for better or worse.

If the situation were flipped. If you made a mistake that hurt someone – how would you want the other person to react to it, to treat you? Would you want them to end the relationship? Would you want them to unfriend you? It’s the golden rule, again.

We’ve got to stop looking at other people’s choices as our own. We’ve got to stop letting other people’s mistakes define who we are, define who they are.

Side note: Let me tell you one other thing – it’s okay to change your life without hitting rock bottom. If alcohol makes you make bad decisions, you’re allowed to go sober without letting it destroy your life first.

It’s okay to guard your heart and guard your mind and set healthy boundaries in your life. Whether that’s unfollowing toxic friends, giving up drinks with the girls, or whatever it is that’s bringing you down time and time again, it’s okay to keep boundaries and build new habits.

Life isn’t black and white. You don’t have the full story. Don’t let someone else’s mistake trip you up and tear you down.

Some would say this is all just a ploy from the enemy. It’s a distraction. It’s to keep you quiet, to keep you down, to keep you hidden away. You’re a beacon of light, a powerhouse of love – if someone has you feeling salty and sour because of something they did – you won’t be out there sharing your light and spreading your message like you’re meant to.

Keep your head down and your chin up. There’s better days coming.

Process the emotions. Dive deep into your feelings. Why is this bothering you so much?

We don’t have to stay upset. We can pause. Breathe. Process. Give ourselves grace, give others grace, and keep on moving forward. There’s a lot of light ahead of you, friend.