I recently heard the phrase: Stress is the new cigarette.
It took me a minute to really process that. Stress looks so cool. To hustle and grind and do all the things, all the time. To be “that mom” who’s always got it all going on. It looks cool, until you’re trying to do it all and you realize how gross it makes you feel to have no time to yourself, no white space, no quiet moments to actually connect with our kids.
Stress looks cool on the outside, until you learn what it’s doing to your insides.
Chasing stress distracts us from our real purposes. We’re not made to do all things, we’re made to do what we’re made to do. I see this with Slay at Home Mamas, trying to prioritize a clean and organized house, but our purpose is to raise them and to connect with them. We’re meant to have a relationship with our kids, not to yell at them for the socks left on the floor, again.
We’re meant to be the kind of person our kids want to listen to. Not to be the nag who acts like the house is more important than they are. Your perfect home (or idea of one) is a distraction.
You can be the mom who brings a bag of chips to the potluck, but has kids who are excited to go with her. Be the “fun” mom. Show up for your kids in whatever way you are called to show up for them. Your idea of successful parenting isn’t going to match up with everyone else.
Keep your mindset in check. Don’t let the little things become the big things. Limit distractions that are just stress for you. Check that everything you own, is serving you, not the other way around. If you’re a slave to your things, you’re going to be miserable (not to mention, that’s kind of idol worship…. and I hear most people are trying to avoid that).
How do we quit stress?
“All stress begins with one negative thought. One thoughts that went unchecked, and then more thoughts came and more, until stress manifested. The effect is stress, but the cause was negative thinking, and it all began with one little negative thought. No matter what you might have manifests, you can change it… with one small positive thought and then another.” – Rhonda Byrne
Where’s the root of stress coming from? It’s not coming from the things you are stressed about – the dishes aren’t yelling at you to come do them, they are morally neutral. Dishes have no meaning, you decide the meaning of a dirty dish in your home.
Overcoming Negative Thinking (straight from The Happy Mom Brain).
You can’t fight a battle you don’t know you’re in. Admitting there’s an issue is the first step to solving it.
You don’t even need to bother with a technical psychology term – you can give it any name you want, but call it something and call it out. One of my chronic negative thoughts comes in the form of Imposter Syndrome, and I’ve named her Gretchen. She makes me uncomfortable and doesn’t want me to succeed.
Realize the truth.
You don’t have to BELIEVE the truth yet to confront the negative thought. Know the truth, say it out loud, write it down. Affirm the truth until you believe it.
Overcome the negative.
You are an overcomer. You deserve to love you life and not stay stuck in those feelings because of your thoughts. You are more than these mental barriers. You are stronger and you will break through. However much time it takes, commit to it.
A lot of our negative thoughts are aimed at tearing ourselves down. We’ve got to stop this negative self-talk. It’s not helping you better yourself, it’s not a healthy motivator. It doesn’t solve the root problem, instead it creates new ones of doubt and fear.
When we set impossible standards for ourselves, and we set ourselves up to fail by
believing we cannot be successful, we are doing an injustice not only to ourselves, but those around us. Our limiting beliefs are a form of self-sabotage and destruction.
You are not your own worst enemy; these intrusive lies are.
In Mark 12:31, Jesus gives us the two most important commandments; to love God, and to love others as you love yourself. Bear with me here, this is going to make sense.
So, are you loving others the same as you are loving yourself? I think most of the time we read this as we need to love others more, but if I’m looking at these words, it tells me we are supposed to love ourselves just as much as we love others.
All humans are created equal, so quit holding yourself to a higher standard than you hold others. Quit expecting yourself to do better and be better than you expect everyone else to. I know you don’t believe you’re better than everyone else, so quit putting higher expectations on yourself.
Lower the bar, friend. Perfect in a myth, okay is enough.
Start paying attention to the tone of your inner voice. Your subconscious does not
understand sarcasm or jokes. It’s not okay to call yourself names, even as a “joke.” That manifests into doubt and fears and anxieties and you don’t have time for that. You don’t have energy for that. You deserve better than that. Talk to yourself the way you want others to talk to you. The Golden Rule applies to your inner voice, too.
Train your inner voice to speak kinder to you. Teach yourself to be your own cheerleader.
We weren’t made to beat ourselves up. We were made to bloom. Here’s a few ways to work towards shifting your self-doubt into self-esteem.
1.Identify the specific self-doubt or limiting belief and isolate it. Create an affirmation that is the opposite of this thought.
2.Make a compliment list or a gratitude list about yourself. List out at least 20 of the
wonderful things about you.
3.Get in a habit of replacing self insults with 2 compliments. Every time you notice that you’ve just called yourself a name, compliment yourself twice.
4.Change your insults at mistakes to learning statements. For example, instead of saying “I’m so dumb for doing that.”, maybe a better thing to say to yourself is “I did that because I wasn’t paying attention, now I know to pay better attention next time.”
How you talk about yourself becomes how you feel about yourself. How you feel about yourself affects how you feel about the people and circumstances around you. How you feel about your surroundings defines how you perceive your life.
Learn to be positive about yourself, so you can be positive about everything else.
When we accept ourselves as we are, we step closer to being able to accept others, too.
We often project our own insecurities and weaknesses onto those around us. We get
upset when we see our own flaws in others. Our inner voice is great at reminding us of everything that’s wrong with us, but gets defensive when anyone else, knowingly or not, points it out to us.
When we face our own insecurity and we uncover the truths behind the lies, we can see others for who they are, not for who we wish we weren’t. Accepting the weaknesses in ourselves, is the first step to healthy relationships.
“Attitude is a choice. Happiness is a choice. Optimism is a choice. Kindness is a choice.
Giving is a choice. Respect is a choice. Whatever choice you make makes you. Choose
Roy T. Bennett
No More Negative Thoughts Worksheet Questions:
1. What beliefs do you have that are holding you back? What does your negative self-talk say to you?
2. When do you tend to see these beliefs surface? What are you triggers?
3. What is the truth and how can you combat this thought when it comes up?