Remember what it was like to be young and in love?
Remember when you ALWAYS had to sit right next to your significant other? Holding hands, touching thighs, stealing kisses.
Remember when you were always excited to see him? When you’d happily greet him with a kiss?
Remember when you posting about your Man Crush Monday every week? When you had no shame to publicly expose your husband’s hunkiness?
Remember when you HAD to fall asleep in his arms? When you were excited for a spontaneous romp? (Yeah, that’s how I’m going to refer to that… sorry, not sorry.)
When did that stop?
Why did that stop?
Somewhere down the line, I think we get told a few silent lies about what marriage is supposed to look like. Sometimes no one has to say them out loud, but through observation we pick up on it.
Lie #1: you don’t have to always sit together.
I remember when this first occurred to me. I was at a big family dinner and I saw that all the older couples felt no need to sit next to each other. They freely sat wherever they pleased and weren’t concerned with where their other half wanted to sit. It seemed freeing.
I suddenly felt as though my husband was my safety blanket, and I only wanted to sit with him because of my incredibly small comfort zone. So I sat away from him for the first time.
It didn’t take long before that “need” to sit with him at all time dissipated completely. And with it, a flame extinguished.
Lie #2: healthy couples don’t feel the need to tell everyone else how happy they are.
I do remember someone saying this to me. It was my sister, and we were talking about how annoying some couples are when they constantly post on social media about their love for one another.
Did you know when you stop sharing with others all those little things you love about someone, it becomes really easy to forget all about them? At least for me, it did.
When I stopped posting pictures with my husband, stopped sharing online all the ways I loved him, stopped talking about him positively to others, I stopped noticing all those things and began taking him for granted.
Lie #3: couples who’ve been married more than a year, just don’t DO it all the time anymore.
This one hurt us the most. This is where most of our disagreements happen. Simply because I believed it was NORMAL to withhold. Any excuse I could find, I used.
Any couple who’s been married many years, will tell you it’s the key to a happy marriage.
If you’ve read (or listened to) Girl, Wash Your Face, Rachel Hollis dedicates a whole chapter to why you need to just get on with it. Her suggestion is to have a Sexy September- or whatever month it happens to be- and just DO IT every single day, no excuses, for the whole month.
Lie #4: your kids and house come first.
This is a lesson I had to learn from my son watching Sherlock Gnomes a million times.
In one scene of this animated child’s movie, Juliet (the leading lady) is having an arguement with Gnomeo. Gnomeo is desperate for her attention and just finished a daring act to retrieve a flower for Juliet. She couldn’t care less, he foolishly risked his life and she is only concerned with saving her garden (and home to all her family and friends, which she and Gnomeo have just taken rule over).
She says to him “the garden can’t wait, you can!”
And instantly he is heart broken. His face falls in a way I’ve seen only too often on my own husband’s face. The look of disappointment, feeling unappreciated, a feeling of shame and uselessness.
How often have we told our husbands that they can wait? We’ve told them they are less important than whatever else we are doing at the time.
When did your husband stop being the most important person in your life?
When did our hearts stop skipping a beat when they walked in the room?
I think it happened some time after we started believing these lies about what our marriage should look like at any given time.
What lies have you believed about love or the expectations of marriage? Share in the comments.