I spent over 2 years trying to be a good mom, and feeling like a failure.
I spent nearly 5 years trying to be a good wife, and feeling like a failure.
And I spent exactly 10 years trying to be an adult, and feeling like a complete failure.
In the month I turned 28, I realized I wasn’t where I thought I’d be at this point. I had everything and more than I ever imagined – don’t get me wrong, I’m incredibly blessed with healthy children, a hard working husband and a roof over our heads.
But on an emotional level, on a very personal level, I wasn’t where I wanted to be. I thought by now I would have my life together. I’d know how to juggle kids, husband, house and self. Still, every day was a struggle.
I was always behind on housework. I was always exhausted. I wasn’t motivated. I was constantly working, but not seeing any change. I was always making plans to fix it all, but never following through.
If I’m being completely honest and transparent here, I was a slob. I wasn’t taking care of myself. I was burnt out. I was a mess. A hot, mess.
More than anything else, I was so tired of trying. It was like running on a treadmill, I put in so much effort to stay in the exact same place.
I was drowning in unwashed dishes.
Suffocated by the clutter.
Smothered by loved ones vying for my attention ALL. THE. TIME.
I felt like a bad mom because I wasn’t fully enjoying all the snuggles and all the play time. The piles of dishes and laundry haunted me all day. The guilt was a heavy burden.
I felt like a bad wife because I spent all day with the kids, didn’t have a clean house or dinner ready, and was too exhausted to give my husband the time of day when he’d get home from a long day of work. I was short with him, and even blamed him for my attitude. How dare he come home and expect me to be considerate and kind to him after the day I’ve had?
I felt like I wasn’t a very good adult because I couldn’t even manage to shower daily. I wasn’t eating well, I wasn’t sleeping well. I lived on coffee and messy buns, and I genuinely believed that this was acceptable. I’m a mom, I don’t have time for myself anymore. I was so wrong.
One day it dawned on me, it doesn’t have to be like this, and the answer was simple.
All my problems seemed to link back to one thing: I was tired of trying so hard.
To those struggling as I was, I have one piece of advice:
That’s right, stop trying.
Trying leaves room for failure. And failing at life is NOT an option. Trying makes it okay not to actual DO something. You can’t try to make a change, you just do it.
“Do, or do not. There is no try.” -Jedi Master Yoda
Discover who you ARE and embrace it. Set goals to BE more. And firmly BELIEVE that you are already enough.
Success is all in your perception.
“Whether you think you can, or can’t, you’re right.”
I told myself I am a great mom.
I told myself I am a great wife.
I decided that I can have my life together because I am an adult.
What does it look like to be a great mom?
- Loving my children unconditionally
- Playing with them daily
- Keeping them clothes and warm
- Keeping them fed
- Kissing every ow and boo boo
All things I was already doing, all the time!
What does being a good wife look like?
- Loving my husband, always
- Listening when he has a bad day
- Having his lunch packed for work
- Having his clothes clean when he needs them
- Always kissing him hello, goodbye and goodnight
All things I was already doing.
What would it require to be an adult?
- Make my bed
- Pay my bills
- Eat my vegetables
- Drive a car
All things I already do!
You guys, I was already slaying at all these things, it just took focus to see that. I felt like garbage for years because I wasn’t doing more. But I was doing ENOUGH. I am ENOUGH. You know what else?
YOU ARE ENOUGH!
You’re already doing amazing things in your life, just by being here. Shift your focus to what you’re doing well.
I still have a dream of where I imagined I would be, but that’s what goals are for. We set goals to be better than yesterday, not standards for who we think we should have been. We keep moving forward, not looking back with guilt.